I Saw the TV Glow (2024)

"What if she had been telling the truth? What if I really was someone else? Someone beautiful and powerful; someone buried alive and suffocating to death, very far away on the other side of a television screen?" 

Queer-oriented films are always hit-and-miss when it comes to generalized reviews. Most times people don't get it, other times they miss the mark, sometimes they're too niche, other times they're too over-the-top, sometimes they just genuinely aren't anything too world-changing. I was extremely excited for this film and actually put off seeing it for quite a while when I missed the exceptionally small window to see it in theaters near me. I wanted to be sure that I was able to see it at a time where I could really lock-in and focus, in which I'm glad I did, because this movie truly means so much to me. Is it for everyone? No. Are the people it's not made for going to get it? No. Is it anything that is revolutionary? No. Was it made for me as part of the specific target audience? Yes. Did it make me rethink my life entirely and could everyone take something away from this film if they looked past the surface-level messages? Absolutely. 

I must admit, the film is very niche and for a specific audience; that being said, I can understand why some people didn't understand what the film was trying to achieve and some of the symbolism throughout the film. Without knowing the deeper meaning and symbolism of some of the representation and metaphors, it's a very slow and confusing film — even with understanding, I felt that the film was very slow at times and a little all-over-the-place. It's definitely a film you need to watch a few times to completely understand and one that you have to draw your own conclusions about throughout, which some people are a fan of, but others may not be. 

With that, talking about the actual mechanics of the film, I really enjoyed the cinematics of this film and the way that it was shot. I actually ended up really appreciating how some of the scenes looked, despite the film being on the darker side and having the same color-scheme throughout, for the most part. I also really liked the dialogue, even though there wasn't a whole lot, I think the word choices and select dialogue really makes an impact for the movie. 

Now, personally, this film meant a lot to me. As someone who identifies as a trans individual, I found the symbolism and representation to be breathtaking. The way that both Brigette Lundy-Paine (Brig) and Justice Smith perfectly encapsulate how it feels to navgiate gender identity, or lack of knowing how, is truly incredible. 

The next parts will be about how it personally affected me and my life, in which everybody make not be interested in, so I want to give a valid disclaimer. After all, movies are supposed to be subjective and not objective, in which my personal view of this film was truly life-changing. I also want to give a valid disclaimer that in discussing some aspects of the film, there may be some minor spoilers that people may not want to read about. I leave it up to my mutuals and fellow viewers to decide whether or not to continue on from here; and I want to say that if you do, I appreciate you. 

"I think I was born bored,
I think I was born blue.
I think I was born wanting more,
I think I was born already missing you.

But my heart is like a claw machine,
It's only function is to reach.
It can't hold on to anything, 
No, I can't hold on to anything." 

Beginning with the song used by Sloppy Jane featuring Phoebe Bridgers, I have to say, it truly changed my life. When I initially heard this song, I automatically thought of wanting someone and missing a past lover or yearning for someone that you can't have. After listening to it featured in this film, I have to say, my perspective of the song has changed. I think that the song does a wonderful job of representing wanting more, as in wanting more to life and to live freely, and where "missing you" can strongly represent missing the person that you're truly meant to be, as Owen is meant to be Isabel. I really, really loved the way that this song interprets the overall meaning of the film and how it can be applied to the trans experience of wanting more and missing someone that you may not even have the opportunity (and may never get the opportunity) to be, along with reaching for that true potential. 

Next with the choice of colors, I really enjoyed the strong visual symbolism of using the trans flag colors of pink, blue, and some white. As you progress through the film and Owen progresses through the process of finding out who he truly is, or suppressing it, you notice that the colors of the trans flag fade. This is truly symbolic of Owen slowly giving up on discovering his true gender expression and masking how he truly feels inside, which is ingenious, resulting in actual representation right in your face.

The actual events in the film are truly symbolic as well. Maddy states that she continued to send Owen tapes, in which Owen says the show was canceled after Maddy disappeared. My friend pointed out that this could represent that he was unable to watch The Pink Opaque because the The Pink Opaque represents a space in which Owen can truly express himself, and when Maddy left, he had nowhere and nobody else he could truly be himself around. I really must applaud my friend for picking up on that during our watch. Furthermore, when Owen tells his step-father that he watches The Pink Opaque, his father replies with, "Isn't that a girl's show?" I cannot express how much hearing this brought back memories. I can still remember hearing "Isn't that the boys toy?" and "Aren't those boy clothes?" and how much people paid attention to stuff like that instead of allowing people to just enjoy the things they like, regardless of targeted gender audiences. The symbolism of his step-father pulling him out of the television could represent his step-father holding him back from truly being himself, in which a lot of trans people can understand when they have an unaccepting family. The representation of having to be buried alive, in which can be an expression of being reborn, or burying your true self; truly ingenious metaphor for trans people who have to make the difficult decision between their comfortability and their freedom.

"Your new life will cost you your old one." 

This movie really made me think about this quote and really made me think about what the actual meaning of this quote is in greater detail. Maddy even hints to Owen that living in The Pink Opaque is uncomfortable, and a sacrifice that Owen will have to be willing to make. Not everyone has the strength or opportunity to "kill" off their old self and begin their new life, and some people are willing to sacrifice the comfortability and safety of their old self and old life to bargain for their new one. I, myself, was someone willing to sacrifice my old life for my new one, in which it paid off. My heart is truly with those who are unable to and hope that they are able to get to that point in their life eventually, at their own speed, no matter how long it takes. There is still time.

Maddy represents someone that is on the faster track of discovering and expressing her gender identity. She represents everything that I believe in when it comes to freely expressing one's identity and gender expression. She left the people that wouldn't support her in the past; I am willing to do the same. It really hit home for me when she said that she tried once, and time wasn't right. There have been moments where I thought I wanted to make a change, but didn't, or couldn't. When Maddy was 22, she decided that it was time to make a change and express herself and travel to The Pink Opaque to become Tara. This year, before my 23rd birthday when I was still 22, I decided to get top surgery to make myself more comfortable and express myself the way I want to. It really hit home for me that so many things in this film were so accurate and close to my own life, even down to the ages. 

Owen represents those who are unable to transition, whether it's due to safety, personal comfort, unsupportive family and friends, not wanting to change everything, or anything else holding people back, for whatever reason. When Maddy asks Owen to run away with her, he chickens out last minute, which can be said for many of those who are ready to transition but are unable to commit fully. Owen goes through life constantly questioning himself and what could have been, and as many times as he tried to make a change, had people holding him back, whether it was himself or other people in his life. At the end of the film, we see Owen break down at the birthday party. This represents the constant pressure trans people are under and the times it truly breaks us, but whether or not anything changes, it differs for each person. The audience is left unsure of whether or not he truly embraces the identity of Isabel or if he has a mental break and continues through life the way he knows and has always known. 

The two characters of both Maddy and Owen juxtaposed against each other is truly symbolic of the two sides of transitioning: those who do, and those who don't; can't. It truly showcases the similar options that each of the characters have and how they deal with the options in remarkably different ways. I truly hope that the Owens of the world are able to become Maddys, in which they are able to fully become who they are meant to and feel they always were supposed to, but couldn't — it's suffocating them, not being able to truly express themselves the way they feel they should and want to, and they are truly being buried alive while living, in their own bodies that they are unable to change. Suffocating in this film may not only mean being literally buried alive, but metaphorically suffocated by the societal expectations imposed on us and the flesh bodies that we are "trapped" in when unable to express ourselves the way we wish to while we are here. 

I'm going to have to watch this film again. I want to watch this film again. I'm sure that there are metaphors and hints that I missed throughout the film that I'll pick up on as I go. I don't know if I'll ever truly pick up on everything that the director wanted me to, and I don't know if each time I watch it I'll feel the same about Maddy and Owen; and I honestly kind of like that. As I progress through life, whether my journey to The Pink Opaque has been completed or not, it'll be a different perspective every time. I truly believe that this film did a wonderful job highlighting how it feels to be "stuck" as someone that you don't align with and wanting for something more, whether you take the risk of becoming that person or stay in the comfort zone where you are. I really implore anybody struggling with this internal battle to watch this film and see if it changes your perspective on how you go through life. I highly suggest anybody that claims to be an "ally" to watch this film as well with an open mind, not just for the cinematics and film techniques used. Is the choice of filming and dialogue the best? No. Is the film for what it is revoltionary? No. But is the film revolutionary for what it represents and for those who identify with it? Absolutely. 

This film genuinely altered my brain chemistry and changed the way that I think about life. This film changed the way that I live my life, in which while there is still time, time does run out, eventually. It's not worth having people around that don't support who you want to be and you feeling comfortable in your own body instead of "suffocating" or "trapped," being physically buried alive while still having to live. There is still time. A quote that will continue with me forever, one that I want underneath my incisions that remind me everyday of the sacrifice that I made to be able to live authentically the way that I want to and the way I'm supposed to. I hope that everybody is able to do the things they want in life while there is still time, regardless of whether it has anything to do with gender identity or not. We all deserve to be comfortable and feel like we can breathe in this life; not like we're suffocating or waiting until the next one.